One thing about people? They’re going to have the audacity. Someone will wrong you, overstep your boundaries, or outright disrespect you—and then react as if you’re in the wrong for standing up for yourself.
That’s when I realized I don’t mind being the villain in someone else’s story. In fact, I’ve learned to embrace it. Because more often than not, you’re labeled as a villain when you speak up for yourself and command the respect you deserve.
So, when I say don’t be afraid to be the villain, I don’t mean be cruel or unkind. I mean embrace what comes with you rejecting mistreatment and blatant disrespect.
After all, anyone who chooses to victimize themselves rather than correct their behavior and treat you with love and respect doesn’t deserve to be in your life anyway.
You’re the main character in your world, and you have every right to decide who gets access to you, and who doesn’t.
Why Boundaries Matter
Setting boundaries is an act of self-honor, but I know it isn’t always easy. Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with setting boundaries with friends and loved ones. But refusing to set boundaries to avoid conflict only builds anger, frustration, and resentment.
As I scrolled through Twitter one night, I came across a tweet that said, “Resentment is the result of not standing on business.” Honestly? It’s true. When you allow people to cross your boundaries, you don’t just grow resentment toward them—you develop anger toward yourself for letting it slide. You might even feel like your voice doesn’t matter, or that you’ve lost some self-respect, which lowers your self-esteem. It’s a dark feeling I know all too well, but remember this: it’s never too late to reclaim your voice and rebuild your self-respect.
Even when it’s uncomfortable, stand on business by being assertive and unapologetic when it comes to addressing issues directly. It’s not about confrontation, it’s about setting a standard and teaching others how to treat you with respect.
How to Set Boundaries
I believe people often know what they’re doing when they disrespect you. However, none of us are mind-readers, so it’s incredibly important to verbally express your feelings when someone crosses the line.
For example, have you ever had a friend who made “jokes” that felt more like jabs? Maybe their comments were insulting, shady, or outright disrespectful. I’m sure most of us have. I’ve certainly had friends who didn’t just throw shade, but the entire tree! In situations like this, it’s best to address it directly. You can say something along the lines of, “I found that comment offensive, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make similar jokes in the future.” Boom! Boundary set.
If they respect you and value the relationship, they’ll adjust their behavior. But if they argue, act differently toward you, or continue to cross your boundaries, they’ve shown you who they are. In those cases, it’s time to reflect on whether they deserve a place in your life.
The Cost of Being the “Villain”
Let’s be real: people don’t usually like hearing about themselves, and they definitely don’t like being called out for questionable behavior. So, everyone won’t take kindly to your boundaries, and they may paint you as the villain in their distorted story to others. And you know what? Let them.
Choosing yourself over appeasing others might feel difficult in the moment, but in the long-run, you’ll be grateful you did. Protecting your peace is ALWAYS worth it—even if it means letting go of certain people along the way. When you start speaking up for yourself and setting firm boundaries, you’ll feel an internal shift. You’ll feel lighter, more confident, and proud of yourself for not compromising your self-respect.
Your Self-Respect is the Real Win
Remember, being labeled the “villain” often means you’re standing up for yourself in ways others didn’t expect or like. But their discomfort doesn’t mean you’re wrong, nor does it mean you should suffer in silence.
Sometimes, you might have to deny someone access to you and remove them from your life. It may hurt now (or maybe it won’t), but in time, you’ll be happy you chose yourself. As you grow and elevate, not everyone is meant to go with you anyway.
So, don’t be afraid to be the villain. Especially when it means being your own hero.
Let’s Put it Into Practice
Think about the last time someone crossed your boundaries. Did you speak up? If so, how did you feel afterwards? If you stayed silent, what do you wish you had said?
Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, care, and respect. Setting healthy boundaries empowers you to reject poor treatment, teach others how to treat you, and reinforce your self worth. The next time you feel disrespected, set a firm boundary and do not accept anything less than what you deserve.
It all starts with you.
The Avantage 